Toto - "I'll Be Over You" Music Video with Michael McDonald

My Uncle Glenn died of AIDS at the end of August  2003. At the time of his death I became intrigued by the history of the AIDS especially those who passed away during the early days of the epidemic. My uncle was gay and although he was out to his friends in Boston he was not out with our family. We all knew but no one talked about it. As my family prepared his funeral none of his friends from Boston were notified. Although there was one man at the funeral that no one knew but I recognized him from one of my uncle’s photos. I think he was a past boyfriend.

Unknowingly, my family conducted his funeral in way that closeted his sexuality. This got me thinking of all those who died with out family members knowing or whose families refused to acknowledge their sexuality or friends who were part of their lives. One night I googled, the Names Project (aka AIDS quilt) I wanted to find a way to commemorate my uncle in a way that emulated his true self. Granted, the Boston Living Center held a memorial service for him (explain). But I wanted something grander something to let the world know he existed, he was a Diana Ross worshipping, Patti LaBelle loving, gay portrait artist in Boston. While looking at the many panels on the Names Project website from the famous Keith Haring and Michel Foucault to the many anonymous unnamed I saw a panel that changed me and piqued my curiosity. It had the lyrics to a song that I had always deemed as cheesy rock ballad. But the words displayed a panel dedicated to Ken Cameron: “Until forever is through, I’ll be over you” love Richard. That simple statement spoke to how devastating this loss was and how the Names Project might’ve been the only way Richard could express his grief. My thoughts drifted back to my uncle. I will never know if he had an amazing love, what his struggles were or what his life was like living out of the closet.

However I did get a glimpse of how others outside my family saw and loved my uncle. Two weeks after his funeral I picked up his portraits from his art exhibit at the Boston Living Center. There was a black man, average height, dark chocolate skin, and a nicely trimmed mustache sitting at the lobby desk. I told him I was here to pick up Glenn Harris’s artwork.

“Oh my God, you’re his niece Tori. The one who lives here. I’ve heard so much about you.”

The man proceeded to tell me that he had known my uncle since he first moved to Boston in the 80’s. They had been very good friends.

“He’s had a hard life. Last time we spoke he said that his mom passed away. How is Glenn?”

“He passed away two weeks ago,” I replied. I was doing a good job at holding back my tears. Walking around Boston when Glenn first passed away was hard. Every where I walked reminded me of him. But seeing this man’s facial expression change and tears start flowing freely so did mine. The director of the center came out of his office and asked what was going on. I told him who I was and very stoically the director responded, “We’ll have our own memorial service” as if the news of someone passing was routine.

“Your uncle was a very talented man.”

The receptionist who was still crying grasped my hand tightly and nodded. I thanked him for being there for my uncle and told him to let others know the new since I didn’t know any of his Boston friends. Two of the pieces from that exhibit hang in my office. One is a portrait of his muse and idol Diana Ross. In the drawing, Ms. Ross is singing and her hair is big and luscious. The other picture is what my uncle described as a dream he had. The drawing consists of an Egyptian goddess with black panthers on each side. These two portraits are my daily reminders of my uncle’s love of divas and his artistic ability. My other reminder is this Toto song since the song now symbolizes the unknown couple from the Names Project and never truly knowing the loves and loss of my uncle Glenn Harris. Instead of cheesy love ballad this song when I hear it becomes a brief moment of remembrance. 

The Cure Plainsong

The Cure’s Disintegration album was my initial introduction to the group. It was one of the albums that defined my sophomore year of high school. I used to fall asleep to this album. Back then (even now) the opening notes for this song hits me with a tidal wave of emotions. My past teen angst, all the unrequited crushes, and nostalgic regret come rushing back when I hear this song. One particular unrequited crush comes to mind J, he was this tall, lanky, red headed guy I met in band class. He played tuba and the sousaphone. I forget how we started hanging out but every night we would talk on the phone, mostly about band sometimes we listened to the local alternative station 95.5 WBRU and comment on the songs. When he got his license and his four door powder blue Renault or what many deemed ‘his shitbox of a car’ I was granted eternal shotgun which lead to many nights just driving around the city, going to the movies, and hanging out with other people from band. Looking back I think everyone knew I liked J but the way I saw it I was this chunky, black girl who loved rock music and gave him advice I could never picture him liking me. I was already in the friend role anyway. I helped him ask his dream girl out. This girl was in many of my classes and even helped him graduate from high school. I kept hoping that all these good deeds would show him how much I cared maybe get him to ask me out. It never happened.

            However, he did take me to see Sade. It was the year the Love Deluxe album came out and he knew I was big fan. He also knew how pissed off I was about him almost not graduating and being a lousy friend. The night he brought the tickets he drove to my house to tell me. I had gone to bed early and my brother let him in and told him I was upstairs. I was in my bed dozing off and felt someone sit on my bed. At first I thought it was my sister so I rolled over quickly to push her off. (She had a habit of trying to go through my things while I was sleeping). But before I could say anything J laid across the bed.

            “I got us tickets to see Sade,” he said. I remember his face was so close to mine he could’ve kissed me instead he scared the shit out of me and I screamed.

            “Why are you in my room?”

            He responded that my brother let him in. On the outside, I looked angry but inside I was melting.

            We went to the concert and were surrounded by couples. We had lawn seats at Great Woods and J laid back on the grass and closed his eyes and listened to the music.  Looking at him, I kept contemplating on what it would be like to kiss him but my fear of rejection took over and I just sat on the grass, legs crossed, and watch the show. When he drove me home we spoke about the show and not much else. With his car parked in front of my house, we were facing each other talking. He thanked me for helping him graduate. I smiled. In hindsight, I wish I would’ve just leaned in and kissed him but I didn’t. I told him I was glad we were friends and we should hang out tomorrow, exited the car, and disappeared into the house.

            Last I heard J was married and still lives in New England. Every now and then I wonder what would have happened that night. I wonder if J ever had a crush on me. All that comes rushing back, when I hear Plainsong, hell the whole Disintegration album. It’s amazing that music is not only moving but it’s also a time capsule of memories. 

Robin Thicke Teach you a lesson

             My first glimpse of Robin Thicke was the video for his first album A Beautiful World. In the video, he was a bike messenger delivering packages around New York City. His hair was long and sometimes hide his beautiful eyes but what I noticed, what made me stop everything I was doing was his voice. It was smooth and stroked my ears the way a good looking man would slide his firm strong firm, hand down the small of my back before a passionate kiss.

            I had to wait a couple of years for his next release but it was worth the wait. I first heard The Evolution of Robin Thicke in my office. It was on someone’s shared iTunes list. I hummed along to the songs while I worked but the opening chords to Teach U A Lesson made me stop. I sat still and closed my eyes. I could feel a wave of heat my body especially my inner thighs. There in my office my thoughts drifted back to my last sexual experience. The passionate kisses, his lips slowly moving down my neck. I had to stop the song and listen to something I could ignore to get through the workday.

            In the song Robin Thicke sings about my favorite sexual fantasies, fantasies that at thirty-three has still been unfulfilled. One of the scenarios is the schoolgirl and the teacher, ‘you’ve been a bad girl/someone’s gonna have to teach u a lesson.’ I think I’ve had this fantasy since the first time I had an orgasm. For as long as I can remember, in terms of my sexuality I’ve always been turned on by being completely taken by a man. Unfortunately I haven’t really experienced anything like that. The men in my life so far have been timid or admired me from afar. No one that I can feel comfortable enough to be open about my fantasies and confident enough to imitate them. Until then, if then this song will do.