I discovered this song while working late. I was listening but mostly watching 80’s videos on You Tube. One video in particular that played was True by Spandau Ballet. Growing up, I used to think it was a black guy who sang the song and was surprised to find out that it was a white guy. Tony Hadley was so unsuspecting to embody such a soulful voice. After the True video was done a set of other Spandau Ballet videos popped onto the screen. One of them was Tony Hadley in a boat rowing against a pink and blue splattered background. I clicked on it and as I listened to the song feelings I’d been ignoring start bubbling up. For one thing, I noticed that a young Tony Hadley reminded me of J, a guy I’ve known for a while. J and I had an amazing night during the summer. A night of drinks and a conversation that lead to a very startling (and flattering) confession, he confessed that he’d had a crush on me for some time. I was floored. Like W (another guy who confessed to having a crush on me) J was in my mind unattainable. A guy that definitely wouldn’t look twice at me. Plus J, totally reminded of a cross between Tony Hadley and Brian Ferry. Like the two sophsti-sexy Brits, J looked broodingly sexy in a suit.
The song I’ll Fly For You is about longing which I am way too familiar with, and letting the person that you are longing for know that you’re willing to do anything to make it work. Maybe listening to this song put some words to how I was feeling about J’s revelation. Finally, I had some concrete affirmation that I am admired from afar or be on the other side of a crush. But the realization of the situation became so clear that even being the crush of someone could be heartbreaking. To know that to J I am unattainable (at least in his mind) and without going into much detail the reality of our situation didn’t make it possible. Once again bad timing was to blame for love (or at least the possibility of it) was lost. To quote from Nick Hornby’s book High Fidelity, “ What came first, the music or the misery? Did I listen to music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to music?”
Even the pop music of Spandau Ballet can convey the frustration and the continuing paradox of my romantic life (or lack of). Even being on the other side of a crush was just as complicated and heartbreaking.
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